Don’t judge the decisions I make…without even knowing why. What I choose to do with my life…that is for me to decide. A lot of thought and rationing has been done before I fully put my heart into anything. Doubts and fear are inevitable but sometimes you just gotta get over it..
Funny how things can change a person so drastically…heh.
With the new year approaching I feel so much pressure to get my life together…but all these agendas and lists I’ve put together are starting to overwhelm me. I’ve learned so much about myself and my surroundings in the past year. For a fact, it has made me more selective about who I talk to and trust…and through several mishaps, made me realize what I really, truly want to do. Ive made countless mistakes…I’ve honestly even relapsed in on drugs and did nothing to control myself, at first. Slowly… Im picking myself out of this rut that I’ve dug too deep. It’s hard, but I’m willing to leave it all behind.. with time. 2012 will be one hell of a year for me. Shits about to get ten times more real than 2011.
I dont know how it came down to this… how we ended up like this. Did we get “carried away”? Maybe. I may not know much but what I do know for certain is that I am done with this shit. I dont know why I even gave mind and worried myself sick over such an insignificant matter.
Honestly… All I want is someone who is willing to support my goals and ambitions, and not get in the way of it. To be on the same page, but have a different plot. Does that count as “not looking for anything serious"…? You tell me.
Let’s take things slow… Leave the hustle and bustle of the social life and actually sit down and conversate. It doesn’t matter what we talk about, because relevant or not— I appreciate your presence nonetheless.
Hmm. I sesh about once or twice a week… only because I’m also on a choreo team. I know it’s bad and I need to be more consistent with my training but it’s hard juggling school, work, bills, choreo, and seshing all at the same time. :/
I’ve always been asked, why do I choose to dance choreo. Why don’t I just leave it and focus completely on bgirling, and I think I have finally found out why I choose to maintain both: Because I love all styles. It’d be great if I become dope AF in breaking, but picking up choreo is a skill too, it’s not as easy as y’all think it is. I love street styles tho, forsure. Whenever I’m at popping/breakin jams, I feel so hyped up to cypher. I love the fact that I don’t have to think “Oh, shit. What move comes after this?” because my body just moves to its own accord, to the beat the DJ is spinning. The fact of the matter is, Choreo will always have a piece of my heart as welll.. and I can’t fathom the idea of leaving it behind either.\
I don’t want to give up, but I’m not one to wear my heart on my sleeves. I’m blunt to friends and what-not, but when it comes to you… I’m so weak. I don’t like seeing myself like this. I would continue writing, but I feel like I’ll expose too much of my inner thoughts… and nowadays, I feel like speaking or writing to anyone, is not safe.